So excited!

Today I was invited by my friend Jacque to join her and another friend at a meeting with a PT. The PT runs a class at the gym called Fusion. Serious work out apparently. She is an ex army PTI so is fit and toned as.

Our meeting went through where we are at food and exercise wise, what goals we would like to achieve and what we are are willing to do to get there. Now some may think this is a little too much effort and if I do my own thing I will get there and you don't need  PT to do it. Well I am a woman who has 30+kgs to lose, have numerous health issues and need to get sorted asap. If I don't have Toni here in Singleton to kick my bum in some sessions then I'll not get anywhere. I thrive on that kind of motivation. Someone to tell me to push that little harder than I am giving.

So she is going to do a program up for us to use for the gym and home, go over a weeks worth of nutritional info and then let us know where we need to tweak it, and do a PT session weekly or fortnightly (depending on our own funds. One income families is hard when paying already for gym membership)

I really like her. She seems like she will tell you like it is, push you when you need it and be compassionate when the need is there. She actually reminded me a lot of Toni. She didn't look anything like her but her personality struck a chord with me. I am so excited to  get started with her.

She said that trying to eat nutritional whole foods is the way to go and eat less processed foods.  I advised that I had started the Michelle Bridges program again and was following her 1200 calories. She said that she was really good at what she did and it was a great programme to follow. She still wanted me to write down a week of food so she could see what I was doing especially when substituting foods. I may not be doing it right.

The one big downfall she said that mums with young children have is that we finish of our kid's food. You know what ... she is right. Numerous times in the morning I have eaten my breakfast and when the girls don't finish their toast I'll eat it or sandwich at lunch. And when I think about it, these are not calories I am counting. That would also count for when cooking. Those forkfuls "when testing" whilst cooking become calories not counted. I guess it would seem like overkill if you were to count these as well but it can mean up to an extra 200+ calories unaccounted for. When trying to lose weight that can add up to a successful week.

So I will add into my goals for the week to;

• throw the girl's food in the bin immediately once can not be finished eaten or saved for later on for them.

I am really excited about having a program done for me and having a great variety and someone to push me. I need to do this for myself but also so that my girls have a mum around for a lot longer than her health at the moment, plans her to be.

Shopping trip

well bugger me I so bloody hate shopping. Like really hate it. I will find any reason to end up buying for the girls if I set out on a shopping trip for me.

As I have mentioned previously I am in need of some shorts and a decent bra.

So off I pop to Cessnock to have a squiz in the Target and the Big W out there. My friend Loretta has moved with her family here recently as her hubby got posted too and I dragged her out with me. Well not long into the shopping trip and I am already over looking for me and start looking for the girls. SERIOUSLY!!! The moment I start looking at the bigger sized clothing and how daggy and unfashionable it is I think nah that's me done. The shorts were all short shorts and I don't do short shorts. Um seriously why provide shorts that barely cover your thighs to women Size 24 and above. Um seriously!!!!! I don;'t mean to offend anyone who is these sizes but please tell me you look good in these shorts. I am currently 16/18/20 (depending on the make) and I would not wear shorts that are mid thighs. Shit I hate wearing swimmers to Aqua but I do... well I have no choice but I do.  So as soon as I see the clothes that I love being in the smaller sizes that is me done... I switch off, no more looking and I move on. Loretta found some great buys but me... nope. Oh wait I did.. for the girls.

I didnt even bother looking at Bras as I have never brought Target branded ones and they don't have anything bigger than DD. Um hello a F here. yes yes every woman's dream to have bigger boobs.... well except mine.. I would gladly take a reduction any day.. Well I will be when the weight starts dropping.... but it'd be nice if it was right now.. I just really want to wear some really nice decent clothes and look at myself like I have in the past.  When I had only lost 10 kgs as per my inspiration photo, I could look in the mirror and say you look lovely today Wen. At the moment all I see is a tired 36 year old woman who is at her limit and needs to drop some weight and feel good about life again. I know beauty is skin deep and deep in my skin is a lovely woman who loves her friends and family to bits and would never hurt anyone she loved or allow anyone to hurt them. A woman who loves jokes but is shit at telling them as she forgets the punchline so often! A woman who is a great confidante, listener, and shoulder to cry on when needed. Who loves to hear laughter around her and share drinks with her mates. But I also want to love the external me too. yes yes it is only skin and we live in a superficial world BUT I am not asking to look like Cindy Crawford (though she is one hot woman and I'd change teams for her!!!) I just want to be healthy. To look in the mirror and see a woman who is healthy and vibrant again. A woman who is a perfect role model for her children. I'm not asking people to tell me I am beautiful, I don't expect my husband to tell me I am. I need to be the one telling me I am.. And I will.. I know I will one day

Oh which reminds me. I thought I had a pair of shorts that I wore prior to getting pregnant. I couldn't find them recently when I looked but thought hey it is certianly worth another look after my failed shopping trip. BINGO, found them. They are not my favourite pair. But they fit nicely and will do for the next couple of weeks.

So I figure it is time to be planning a trip to Erina Fair on the Central Coast asap. I have never been, have heard it is massive and feel like it is the trip for me. It has Myer, Big W, Target, Kmart as the major stores and 300 speciality stores... 300 PEOPLE!!!!! So excited. It is 2 hour drive from here BUT OH SO WORTH IT. Hope the weather stays nice. Due to school times it is not possible to drag Jo, Loretta or Jacque along with me and I want to go NOW!!! Maybe I will just wait and go one weekend when Andrew is away and drag Jo along. Maybe I'll just go to Kotara this week or Charlestown. I could even go to Westfield Tuggerah for something different. Still a bit of distance but something like Erina needs to be done with girls. ..... big girls not just my little girls. I thought about buying something whilst it was one sale to be a goal outfit but I have those already. There is a dress I have kept from when us girls used to hit the Quarterdeck in Townsville for cheap drinks on the weekend. I only wore it a couple times ... I have never really done dresses, never been a girlie girl. But for some reason I have always kept it. I'll take a pic and upload it and I will hang it on my walk in robe door. I'll use it as my inspiration pic..

Anyway enough from me. Time to hit the hay.

Good Morning World

ok so this morning I have jumped on the scales. Only a 300g shift. I know it is a tub of butter and I am thankful that it is no longer on my bum or where ever it came from, but I wanted more.

Shouldn't be expecting it though due to my lack of exercise last week, also a week of severe PMS and not 100% in my food. We as women of course, well we want more on the scales. But I am realistic and not sitting here saying oh why? poor little old me? Nope. I've made some commitments to myself.

These are:

• to exercise every morning on the treadmill when Lucille has her morning bottle. Then my exercise for the day is done and anything else is a bonus.
• I will stay true to myself food wise and eat clean. If I slip up it is ok. I am human but I'm 110% committed to do this and will not fail
• I will make my week with Eleanor and Lucille fun and spend quality time playing in the park or doing other things. Be more active
• I won't sweat things that aren't relevant to me and my life nor enrich it in any way.

 Above all I will simply enjoy my week, fill it with exercise, good eating and lots of fun. Because if I am going to live a happy and enriched life it is up to me.... nobody else is going to do it.

Tomorrow

I will weigh-in in the  morning. See where the past week has taken me and then move on.

This has been the worst week for me in regards to PMS. I now have some new herbal meds that hopefully will set me right for next cycle. I have anti-inflammatory meds for my elbow so hopefully that is on the mend.

I will:
focus on cardio this week and stick to my 500 calorie burn
fully note all food that goes in my mouth, sticking to my 1200 calorie limit.
keep a smile on my dial and not worry about things that are out of my control
spend quality time with my girls and get outdoors more

Here's to a great week and another week closer to the release of the inner Wendi!

Beliefs

Why do we believe in something if we can not hold true to that belief? I love my girls and I want the life for my girls that I had when growing up. A family that went out and did family things, trips to Wiseman's Ferry and other scenic spots. Arvos in the pool. I remember us all cramming into the Ford Falcon station wagon with dickie seats in the back. Waving to cars as we parked at lights and being generally cheeky. Sure there was some really heartbreaking moments in our youth. Things I won't go into it but I shut those out and remember the good times which were really great.

My parents raised us to stand on our own two feet, to respect your elders, to share in the household chores and that there isn't boy and girl jobs it is every one's task. To not lie about what we are doing or where we are going.

I have a fabulous relationship with my parents. I don't know if that stems from being the middle child and also being the one who lived at home the longest, though I think Ben has surpassed me. My mum is my best friend. I can tell her absolutely anything and do. She does not always agree with things I say or do but she listens to me and then supports me in that decision. We only became best friends once I became an adult really. Before that she was always mum, the person who set my boundaries, made the rules and helped me to grow as a person. I never thought of her as my best friend. She was mum. I could always go to her and talk to her but she always had her mum hat on. She ensured that I had the best information to make decisions. I know I have disappointed her over the years in various things but I know that I have tried to live by what I have been taught.

An incident occurred on FB recently where a teenager close to me had been talking about drinking on the weekend to her friend, then I see a post about her having a drink over the weekend. From the conversation had with her friend she was going to a party though I didn't see her mother's post at the end indicating any knowledge.  Anyway I commented and said I was disgusted that she would be drinking at such a young age and getting into those crowds etc etc. Especially after bragging about it on FB. I know that we have all taken drinks of our parent's drinks and my girl friends and I had given my brother some of our Lambrusco when out one night. But in saying that I know it was wrong and I have said numerous times that it was wrong and I myself was fairly young and stupid.... though still 18. 

Kids grow up in such an adult world these days and so keen to become adults and smoke, drink and have sex. You are such a kid for the most shortest time in your life. It is such a previous and gifted time. One you can never get back. You have the rest of your life being and adult and doing adult things.  Anyway I stand by my comments and if loved one's under the age of 18 start drinking well before their time then I feel passionate enough to say I am disgusted. I know there is peer pressure and those sorts of things but I got through my high school years without getting involved in wagging school, drinking parties, smoking etc. Yes I had earned the title of miss good two shoes from my siblings but I don't care and still don't care that "Wendi is the careful one". I have a good life and loved my 20's! I don't feel that I would have gained anymore or felt robbed by not drinking as a teenager. Sure I had a drink on my formal but it was a celebratory drink at a friend's mum's house before we left to go to the formal. Yes I tried smoking once and just never found the attraction to it and still don't. I don't find women who smoke sexy or attractive at all... don't get me started on the waste of money or even health issues. Yes I wagged school once when we were being posted to Townsville from Sydney. I figured I am leaving anyway. Yes I told mum cause I can't help myself. I know right from wrong and just never had a secretive nature. I want to bring my girls up the same. That lies don't get you anywhere and there are no secrets. I want them to know that there is boundaries, that they can talk to me if they need to but know I have strict rules in regards to things like this.

I was so angry and pissed about the comments left by the mother as initially her line of argument was about me saying I was disgusted in her daughter. Well yes I was. Being under the "assumption" that this had occurred at a party with friends and bragging about it on FB is disgusting. Having a sip of wine etc in a controlled environment is different to endorsing a full out kids party. Anyway after some back and forward comments it works out that she was at a party with her mother and she was there blah blah blah.  ok different story. Not a drama... why not say that in the first place FFS

I do feel that things got heated and out of line. I apologised and feel that maybe I should just not voice my opinion. I try not to imprint my opinions on people as I hate it when people do that to me. Things when you are pregnant, giving birth, raising children.. just in life and general. I try not to be one of those people and say it must be done my way as I am right. I know I didn't in this instance but I let my passion for what I believe is right get me angry unnecessarily. Any way live and learn.  Let others do their job as the parent. I can't make them see my way, nor make my thoughts and ideals be theirs. I'll just focus on my daughters and being the best role model for them and giving them a life which is full of love, trust and guidance. Not much more I can do than that.

Now where is the chocolate??? KIDDING..



Why?

ok so I was thinking about my last post and thought maybe I needed to address a few things

firstly the pressures women feel the need to put on themselves... especially pregnant women and new mums. These is so many pictures out there in the media depicting happy glowing mums to be, with perfectly round bellies and who look like they have stuck a watermelon up their shirts... still skinny as but with this perfectly round belly.  How far from reality really is this!?!?! As  I said I have been so lucky with my first pregnancy and I guess with second.. I put on minimal weight with both, Eleanor I had no morning sickness just extreme tiredness and with Lucille it was terrible morning sickness up to 16 weeks. I enjoyed being pregnant 50% of the time.  My belly was not perfectly round but it was still beautiful. I never really felt pressures to have my body in any particular shape weight etc. I think I thought about that part rationally. Each body is different so how do we expect ours to look like the pics when pregnant when they don't when we are not pregnant.

Then comes private, public, natural, c-section, drugs, no drugs. That itself is a mine field. I did both. Eleanor was private as we had that option available to us in Qld and I liked my obstetrician who was highly recommended and I certainly would use him again. He was not pushy, he gave me the information I needed, cared for me whilst pregnant and explained complications and what may be needed if they did arise. I liked the hospital. The information from the mid wives was conflicting especially when it came to breastfeeding.  Lucille was born in Singleton Public Hospital by our mid wife Ann. My doc never made it in time. Both girls were born naturally though with Lucille I could have done with some drugs! Pleased I didn't but it was not from lack of trying... Ann just ignored my pleas for it and was busy with myself and another lady being emergency evacuated to Maitland Hospital as she had complications. The midwives pretty much run the maternity section of the hospital and they have clear consistent information. I would recommend both as my experiences with public and private were both great... natural or c-section that really is personal choice and what is occurring at the time... I don't know if I'd plan to do a c-section as it is major surgery really and the recovery is longer than natural but I would not knock it back in any emergency situation. Thankfully I never had to be placed in that position but you have to do what is right for bub and do not judge. Oh one stressful thing about making the decision to birth local and public is that if complications did rise then you had to be emergency transported to Maitland... but my pregnancy was fine so there was no foreseen risks. I saw my doc weekly and Lucille stayed in position right up until birth.

ah the big debate Bottle or Breast... Well of course breast is best.. Any monkey knows that.. Now one difference I can say between the two hospitals or maybe even states I am not sure is that the hospital staff are so equipped with the most clear and consistent knowledge when it comes to breast feeding.  And you certainly get the feeling of breast is best and you will try it. Even after my failed attempt with Eleanor I still wanted to try with Lucille.  She latched on to my left without any real effort after we got her over her premi behaviour with feeding and sleeping (she would feed for 5-10 mins and then sleep for 5 hours. She dehydrated herself from lack of feeding. Of course my fault too that we ended up in hospital but I thought she was getting enough and the first week coma was kicking in) My right always gave her grief. She was always fussing and screaming when it came to my right. I got assistance from my mid wife and the lactation consultant. She was brilliant. I tried expressing my right, massaging and all other things that were recommended. I was getting so depressed and feeling like a failure. I went to my doc (trying to learn from previous experience of feeling blue and reaching out for help) so extremely hard when away from your family and friends in a new town and not knowing anyone well by then. Anyway he basically said that I had to make a choice either keep persisting with my right and hope it comes good or give up. He really wasn't helpful to the situation when I look back. Of course a mother who is desperate for a good night sleep, for her naughty 3 year old to return to normal because mummy was consumed with having to feed her sister and then express in my free time to try and get my right working. It was a very strict schedule. Feed for 20 mins on both sides, express then for 20ish minsbaby at the time and she is thriving still and that is all that matters. She is now loving solids and I have to be thankful for that. If I had another baby... GOD I HOPE NOT.. but IF I had another baby I would try again to breast feed and try to gain even more help if it is needed...

anyway the point of this post was to say that with all these pressures we put on ourselves is it no wonder that women feel overwhelmed when we become new mothers and struggle with social interactions, that we compare ourselves to others?!?!?! I guess though it comes down to the support and understanding we receive. You would at least hope that the support and understanding you give normally to others would be bounced back to you in your time of need.... I guess  sometimes life just doesn't work that way.....

Oh and I do say I am not a perfect friend. My god by no means am I, but I do feel that I am caring and compassionate and would .. I don't know... assume that when I am in my time of need that those qualities would be bounced back to me.. I didn't give up on that friendship... I just stopped fighting for it as a fight involves at least 2 people and if one is fighting and the other stops then it is time to stop....

ok so that is out and I think now I am ready to move on!!!!!!

Amen I can hear some people shouting... um Toni... but I think if we don't deal with things and they bottle up then we eat them when they rear their ugly heads...hence the big butt affect ha ha..

So I am moving on.. finally.. I am moving on.. I am not sad the close friendship is over... I am happy it was shared for the time that it was.

Doctor Visit-- um womanly topic-- read at own risk

Well I finally decided to get my elbow sorted out after I injured it on my trip to Townsville. What happened was I had gone to the Hermit Park Shops and just as we pulled in a stupid trolley came rolling towards the car as some retard couldn't walk 5 meters to return it. ANYWAY. So I quickly opened my door and reached my hand around to stop it hitting. Jarred my arm. It has been sore for ages. Have good days and bad days. Mostly days when I'd lifted Lucille heaps it kills at night and a lot more recently after Aqua.

So saw Dr Brooks here in good old Singleton town and she was lovely. Highly likely I have tendinitis in it!!! Yeah great NOT. So she has given me some anti inflammatory meds for a fortnight, no lifting, no aqua or any other upper body.. well arm exercises anyway. FARK! So it will be mostly cardio for me for the next fortnight as I can't do push ups, burpees, tricep dips and any other weight bearing exercises
:-( POO
Don't worry I aim to flog myself cardio wise to stay on track. I can still do lunges and other lower body exercises.

Ooh and while there I chatted about my migraines. As I said previously since having Lucille I have had the worst migraines once I started getting my period back. I went back on my old pill and shit they were bad.. the migraines I mean... And the moods.. oh my god the moods.. at times I could murder a whole nation of men if I was given half a chance ha ha. I'm usually pretty good with them..
So she says that I have been so fortunate to not have them before and been pretty lucky to even have always had light ones.. SORRY BOYS IF YOU ARE READING THIS... anyway we can trial me on different hormone based pills to see if they make any difference but she stated "it was a long shot". She suggested using aspirin to "cure" them as opposed to Panadol and Ibuprofen. She explained why it works more effectively and assures they stay for a shorter period but while talking to her Lucille was fussing a bit so I have forgotten and I am sure if I googled it I would remember. But at the time it made sense. So next time I have a migraine HOPEFULLY THERE ISN'T ONE, I will trial it. 

Unfortunately she couldn't give me too much assistance other than pills to try and fix it. I don't want to go back on a hormonal pill. I don't have a particular reason really other than I just don't want to! Andrew and I discuss the snip for boys all the time and he says yeah ok I will but I really do think hell would freeze first. I must admit I am ok with the idea of me just doing it. I honestly don't care. My priority is not having anymore children. I just don't want anymore. I love my girls so much and would not give them back for anything in the world ever. But I just don't want any more kids.  I hate the baby stage. They are so dependant on you and you don't know what is wrong with them at times and there is so much pressure on breastfeeding, and just overall what you do with your babies that I just don't want anymore pressure on myself.

As those close to me know I struggled big time with Eleanor.. She was a dreadful baby. Mostly at night time....but also through the day too. She had severe Urinary infections which at the time we did not know what was causing them and by the time she was one we did and she was operated on. Thankfully no UTI since but she was a handful. There was no easy way to get her to sleep. I know now it was not that I couldn't get her into a sleeping pattern it was that she was in pain. I felt so bad cause at times I wished she'd disappear and just be quiet. I think I really struggled with a mild PND but never got diagnosed or wished to be diagnosed with it. Not that I think that there is a stereotype or anything like that, I was always a strong woman and thought that when it came to me having babies I would cope no dramas at all..I am unfortunately someone who tries to deal with things on her own and if you push and ask me what is wrong often enough I will spill my beans.. Persistence.. My family especially knows this..

 My pregnancy with Eleanor was a dream. ..minimal weight gain, no morning sickness.... I loved it. Labour was good, no painkillers. Was awesome... god can Labour and awesome go in the same sentence???? I failed at breastfeeding as my right breast would not produce... 3.5 weeks in and it is Good Friday, she is not getting any milk I made the choice to formula feed. That was a hard decision as I always thought I'd breast feed. I had two friends who breastfed and it was always seeming easy and second nature to them but not to me. As the issues with Eleanor began to arise I struggled with social gatherings. I stuck to a very close group around me and shun those who I felt critical of my mothering or not supportive of me.. I had a wonderful support in my friend Dee who was always checking to make sure I was okok. Anyway long story short I don't feel connected to them anymore due to the lack of support and understanding I received from them. We chatted about it one day and I tried to rectify the situation but it felt like a me and against them kind of stance and I made the effort to not cancel, but it never got back to normal. I just don't think they understood it or at least tried to and made it more about them and their feelings than how I was feeling and my reasons... there was even a tree that my cancellations were notched up against and a tally recorded of Wendi's cancellations... ok that is a bit far fetched but yes I heard a tally was recorded whether that is mentally or physically recorded I don't know.. I agree that by me cancelling often  prior to our discussion that I'd be pissed too but when you make every effort afterwards and it is still not enough to shake the tag of pulling a Wendi again it is time to move on. I don't think I could ever get the friendship back to how it was before Eleanor no matter how much I tried as there was always something to compare to... if I had attended 100 functions and missed one I'd have failed. I am pleased we were friends and recaptured a friendship from school after losing contact for a many years but the path has run its course... I can't keep justifying myself nor can I shake the feeling of inadequacy I have when with them now..

Anyway let's get back to story at hand. I decided a few days ago that I would see a Naturopath to try and get back on track. This week has really crippled me. Even if my elbow was ok I still wouldn't have been able to exercise. I had no energy due to the feeling the Migraines left me with and the lack of sleep I was getting due to them.  I went to Greenhills which is a Stocklands outside Maitland. About 40 mins+ from here. Anyway geography lesson over... I saw the lady in there who is a Naturopath.. I didn't know this prior to going in, I found out once in there.. she was the most helpful lady and so knowledgeable. I told her my symptoms and she told me the answer. ... well what I hope is the answer.. It is in a little bottle of Chinese herbs that can assist with Menstrual migraines and all other PMS symptoms... Must take 4 tablets a day for 7 days to get it in my system then down to 2.. Um what is in it???  peony, licorice, ginger I can decipher those ones then there is Cypress rotundus, ligusticum wallichii, and a few other ones with lots of letters of the alphabet.. I researched some of them on the net and we may just be on to a winner here. FINGERS CROSSED.. So now my migraines are gone I can get back on track... Monday weigh in will determine how good I have been with my food and lack of exercise.. But it is ok I am not going to beat myself up about it no matter what the weight as I have had setbacks this week and I have tried to focus on getting my food  right... Whilst I have not been 100% in my food I know that I have eaten less sugar, less carbs, less butter, and more fruit and veg... oh and no biscuits and no chips.... big things for me.. I usually share some with Lucille and have stayed strong to that... So see how it goes. If anything I am just getting it fine tuned this last week and ready to rock with both exercise and food from Monday...


I had a look on the lite n easy website too at their meals. Looks good. When Andrew leaves on 19/2 I will buy these for  dinner only. I figure that if I have to not worry about what I am eating for dinner then it will make things easier. Sometimes when on my own and after I have gotten the girls sorted for dinner all I can accomplish is toast.... If I have ready made meals then I can eat a lot more healthier... and earlier and know it is taken care of... I have however looked at the price and dinner works out to be $11 roughly a meal whereas I can buy the ones from the shops for $6ish.. though Toni after you telling me how they make these or rather what is put into them I am reluctant... Maybe I need to find out how other mums doing this who are on their own manage to eat healthy dinner meals after getting the kids sorted.. We don't normally cook separate meals but Eleanor likes her faves and just wants them sometimes... anyway it is a thought... I am looking forward to eating things Andrew doesn't like, things like stir fry, rice paper rolls and just things like that. 

So anyway I am looking forward to seeing if these tablets work by next cycle. Bloody fingers crossed that is for sure.. ooh and hopefully the anti inflammatory kick in quick too.. Just have to make sure I keep my arm from lifting things... see how we go..

Food for today

Ok now I am needing to keep in 1200 calories roughly and try and keep my carbs low and the fat too.

As I have said I am not following any program as I feel that I get that feeling of restriction or "following something" and I don't want that. I have a cook book that I have recipes placed in that I love and have worked out the calorie content  on them and also supplemented some of the ingredients for lower fat varieties. I figured I will be able to eat similar meals as to what I did in the past but just make them a bit lower in fat and lower the carb content or stay away from carb rich meals.

In case you are wondering what I am eating (Toni) my day so far has looked like this;

50g lite ham
slice of multi grain toast
tsp butter
TOTAL CALORIES:                          180
TOTAL SATURATED FAT:             1.7G

Ok so I have not ruled butter out completely yet but I am now measuring it. This will help me to control how much I am having and eventually because I can no longer taste it... give it up completely. I've gone from dipping my spoon into the tub and taking out whatever fits on there aka big chunk to a tsp so I am making changes

My snack for morning tea was a tub of Yoplait Forme No Fat Strawberry:  67 CALORIES

Lunch:
2 boiled eggs
tsp curry paste
tbs 97% fat free mayo
tortilla wrap

TOTAL CALORIES:              332
TOTAL SATURATED FAT:  5.2G

For dinner as it is so wet and miserable I think I will make a stew. Trying to find a nice low fat recipe. I would love a Beef and Red Wine casserole.... hmmmm yummy

 ok I am off to find a recipe.

oh sorry for the whinge before. You know how it is.. sometimes life sucks big ones! But me big girl panties are on and I am dealing with it...

Wendi has left the building... do not read if you need inspiration

I am seriously struggling at the moment. These shitty migraines are really pissing me off! I feel crippled. I have a constant nauseated feeling. And before any of you say.. she is pregnant.. not a fat chance in hell that has happened.... much to Andrew's distaste I am sure (not the pregnancy part but more the action).... Might be immaculate???

The weather is effing miserable too. Constant rain. Cold and gloomy.

I have been so tired from lack of sleep. Not just from period pain and migraines but Lucille had the worst sleep last night and she is my best sleeper! Eleanor was in my bed at 445am with another night terror and was promptly marched back to her bed. I had no compassion at all I'm afraid I was so tired. She ended back in about 5am and stayed there. I couldn't be effed moving her. Andrew carried her out at about 530am. Lucille then wanted her bottle at 630 and of course Andrew didn't have the brains to give it to her himself. He kindly let me know that Lucille was stirring..... I did let him know of course in not so polite terms that he is already up why can he not give it to her!!!!!! So back to bed I go until 8am. I feel like a truck has run me over, reversed up several times and then drove off with a big squealer!!! Needless to say I have not gone to Aqua today and I am pissed about it. I have been doing really well eating wise and keeping a firm eye on this. BUT I need exercise too! I know don't push, let my body rest when tired blah blah blah but without exercise this weight is not budging.

Anyway I am so grumpy and so over feeling like poo. I blame Lucille. I had a good cycle before she came along and never had migraines :-( little bugger. Lucky I love her to bits or I'd have put her in the rubbish bin by now... KIDDING

It is just hard when you are struggling with your weight, trying to get back on track and then you get this crap. Probably not the ideal week to have started as we all know how much we struggle at the time of month. It should only last for another day or two.

I am going to see a naturopath though to get my health on track. I think my hormones are really playing up and this must get sorted.  Or I am suffering PND but I will go down the hormone path first.

Anyway that is my whinge for the moment. If I write it down it stop me from eating the feelings... right!!!! Don't worry I am not falling off the wagon.. I am eating well still. I am not giving up or anything like that... I can't

these two monkeys are counting on me to do this

you know those days

yep the ones where you can't be bothered doing anything. You don't want to have to worry about your food, do any exercise and just stay in bed. Yep... that is me today. It is raining.. just a constant miserable drizzle... it is so shit I hate it.

I have the worst bloody migraine still. My god they are hanging around. One thing I have noticed since Lucille has been born is my mood. Is it because I have moved away? I am away from the really close support network I had especially with my parents. I really miss my parents. Makes me sad when I think about it. My mum is my best friend. We have the best chats, we go shopping together, I had always dropped in randomly with Eleanor when Andrew was away. I miss having them nearby and I hate being away from them. I know my sisters Tracy and Michelle would relate as they live away too. I don't know if they think of their relationships with mum the same as me, but I have lived at home the longest I guess. Of course they miss them that is not what I mean. When I think best friend, my mum always comes to mind. Eleanor loves it when she asks me who my best friends are and I say firstly my mummy. She always tells me I am her best friend. 

I am sure the last few days she has not thought that. My mood has been terrible. But it has been for the last year I think. Though I do think she has been a little bitch the last few days too. She has been really argumentative and not doing as I ask. She is so hot headed. I think it is the red head in her.. she is not full red but kinda Strawberry ... it is bloody close enough to. I dread her as a teenager that is for sure. Lucille will be the placid one I reckon.... I hope. Anyway I have been so moody and I think it has a lot to do with hormones. I am really trying to eat clean ie no processed foods, fatty foods, butter and sugar. Trying to eat fresh.. I am hoping to see a naturopath soon and see what they have to say.

oh getting back on track. So it was one of those days.. well starting out to be.. But instead of a mopey mood I thought right let's get this housework done. So turned Eleanor's tv off and cranked up my ipod. We have a Denon sound system so hooked it up to that and it was just so bloody good. I felt sorry for my neighbour across the road as he is a miner and does shift work and I am sure he was on nights but he has a roller shutter that he puts down when he is sleeping and it was up so I assumed back on days or day off. My favourite song in the whole wide world came on... Pitbull "Give me Everything" So I picked up Lucille and danced with her. She was loving it and boy throwing around a 10kg+ baby was a great work out. It was so mood uplifting. Dancing and listening to her and then Eleanor joined us and we all danced. Was fantastic. Felt so bloody good. My mood improved greatly. I do love my girls even when sometimes I think.... oh to have the life of freedom again... come on let's be honest we have all thought that from time to time.

Then I vac the floor which Lucille loves chasing the vac around. I thought she would hate the vac but nope she loves it. She pulls herself to standing next to it and turns the bloody thing off constantly. She thinks it is hilarious. Takes me a longer time to get it done but I think of the incidental exercise of turning it back on etc. I tried mopping but um no she wants to play in the bucket. So off to bed she goes and ah peace. Can mop in silence and get it done quickly. Though Eleanor has a million questions as to why is the water hot, why use soap, what's that thingy.. meaning the lever to push down to squeeze the water out. So not so peaceful mop... :-(

My friend Jacque turned up for a catch up and play date for Eleanor. I have been taping Home and Away as we both watch Biggest Loser. Whilst it is on we are going to do a weekly Home and Away catch up. Sad I know ha ha. But I love it.

Was mindful of my food all day considering my mood. Lunch was my usual salad roll. Was yummy as per usual!

I did cook the yummiest meal for dinner. Creamy Chicken pasta..... oh I can hear the gasps now.
How is that low fat Wendi!!! Well let me tell you :-) Now this serves 2
1/2 onion
3 mushrooms - I picked the slightly bigger ones and sliced slightly thicker
3 slices of short cut bacon cut in thick strips
3 cloves of garlic.... yes I like my sauce garlicky. So use as many as you like
4 tbs of Philly Cooking Cream 60% lite (this is the fattiest item so if you know of a way to get it down lower in fat let me know but it isn't too bad)
125g wholemeal pasta
~~~~~
boil water for the pasta and cook
whilst pasta is cooking
fry the onion and bacon on a medium heat as you don't want the bacon cooked crisp
then add mushrooms once these are soft and the pasta has cooked add the cream.
Stir until heated through and then add to drained pasta
Voila you have below meal! tasted delicious and all for 388 calories and 7.6g fat