hmmm I sit here trying to think of an awesome title to this post to sum up what I am going to say but just can't think of anything that truly captures it.

I have been feeling so good the last month and I will say it is due to the exercise and eating. I was sliding into a dark hole and was really struggling. As I've posted before so many things going on and just not dealing with them... as those who know me know I don't :-( I'll help anyone with their issues and always there for anyone but find it hard to let others do the same for me.

Since I have been dieting .... hold on not "DIETING"... Um eating healthier and also exercising I feel that my soul is a lot happier. I don't feel so stressed out about things and the world seems more positive. I know there are things I can change and there are things I can't. Spending my time stressing over these things are not going to make my life any better. I wake up thankful that I am alive, that I have the time to correct my health and lifestyle. That I have a loving husband even if we are not in the same house together for a great length of time these days. I have two of the most beautiful, good natured, healthy girls who I love dearly. I have an awesome family who I miss terribly and wish we got to see each other more. The best group of friends. Sure I am not in the financial position I want to be but I am on unpaid maternity leave so I know that will be rectified once working again. Sure I am not at my goal weight, but I am working on it daily. Sure I miss family and friends from afar but I have some great ones here close by too. I guess you just have to look at what is right with the world sometimes and try to forget about what is wrong with it.

I just had a great visit with my sister Tracy, her partner Kevin and my niece Layla. It was so nice to have them here and to spend some quality time with them. As Tracy can agree we have had our issues in the past, but that is where these things should lay.. in the past. It was nice to exercise together and chat and it was just wonderful. Was sad to see them go :-(

Apart from one morning which was Thursday morning where I chose to sleep in we were doing something. A run/walk every morning before breakfast. It was great. It showed me I can get out with the girls first thing in the morning. Lucille gets her cranky pants on though so I guess having the two of them before breakfast in the pram may not be ideal but it worked. Friday I did my own session that I just love. I do 20 minutes on the treadmill on varying speed every couple of minutes and alternating the incline. But my speed does not drop below 6.5kmh. Then I pop on Michelle Bridges Tight Toned Terrific dvd and do 2 rounds of the Chest and Back, Triceps and Biceps, Leg Conditioning and Abs work out. Then back on the treadmill for 15 minutes. I will be heading back to the gym this week too to get a variation back into my routines. I am due my reassessment so will get that done within the fortnight.

Andrew got back early last night and it was lovely to see him. He has certainly noticed a difference and devastatingly it is in my boobs he reckons lol . Pfft Men!!! I want it in my hips, butt and stomach. It is gone there too he says and he can really notice. But of course the boobs is the saddest part lol.

Tonight I made him my clean Chicken Parmi
So here is the recipe.

• 1 chicken breast  ( sliced length ways to make two pieces.  I weigh them to make sure mine is no more than 100gms)
• cup of almond meal
• 1 egg whisked
• tin of organic diced tomatoes (check there is no added sugar)
• 2 cloves of garlic minced
• tbs of Gourmet Garden Basil (can use fresh or jar also)
• 1/2 onion diced
• 1/2 jar of Organic Passata (available at Woolies. If Singleton has it then it should be available anywhere lol)
• 1/2 cup of olive oil. You can use sesame or any other oil I just prefer to stick with olive oil
• 1/2 cup of low fat Ricotta (you can use Cottage Cheese)

Whisk egg in a bowl. Dip the chicken pieces in the egg.
Place the almond meal in a separate bowl and  place the chicken in it. Coating each piece.
Heat the olive oil in the fry pan and brown the chicken
Once browned place to the side on a plate with a couple of sheets of paper towel to catch any extra oil.

In another fry pan, brown the onion, add the garlic and basil. Once aromatic add the passata and tin tomato.  Let this simmer for 10 mins.

In a baking dish place some sauce on the bottom, then add chicken, the rest of the sauce. Top with the Ricotta on each piece.

bake in oven for 25 mins.
Serve with some mashed sweet potato and steamed greens.

DELICIOUS!!!!!!!

Crazy!!!!

that is what life is at the moment. I feel like I have no time for anything, but then I don't feel like I am doing anything.

I think it may just be tiredness catching up with me. Lucille has been crazy unsettled this week and I am not sure why. I am thinking teeth as there is no other visible signs of anything else. Today though she seems much better. Thank the stars! Still a little bit clingy but not like yesterday. She is having a sleep now. I am going to get stuck into cleaning so that when she wakes if she is a little clingy monster then I am ahead. I wanted to jump on treadmill and do some weights but might wait for arvo sleep.

I am so proud of how well I am adjusting to the new eating style. It really is easier to cook clean wholesome meals. It is so easy once you are prepared with pre-cut salads eg tomato, onion, capsicum, cucumber, fresh beetroot. Then it is a matter of throwing it all together.  Tonight I am going to make a clean version of Chicken Parmigiana. Basically that is throw some chicken breast in the pan to cook. Whilst that is cooking just get a jar of Passata (tomato sauce low in sugar and sodium) heat slightly in a saucepan then add some garlic and basil. I will be adding some chopped mushrooms, grated zucchini. A little salt and pepper to taste. Then in an over proof baking dish put some sauce on the base of the dish, then the chicken on top then spread the rest of the sauce over the chicken. Add a tablespoon of Ricotta over each chicken breast and bake in the oven at 180 degrees for approx 25 mins. OH SOO GOOD! Will post a pic. I am trying my hardest to not have food packed full of preservatives. So fresh fruit and veg and meat and then spices to taste. I eat Jalna Greek Yoghurt. If I have to crumb anything then I use Almond meal to do this. Will learn to make my own almond meal too!

We all really should try and eat cleaner as food these days are so packed full of preservatives. Eleanor loves Chicken nuggets and we all know how much they are not 100% chicken. I tried and failed making my own. But my friend Cindy gave me a link to some preservative free options and I also got one from the clean eating forum I am on so will try them. I have no dramas getting her to eat Veg it is just the meat side of things. See how they go.

oooh and don't tell Andrew but I don't mind mowing the yard. It is still a suck arse job and I still believe it is a Male's job BUT I do appreciate the physical aspects of it and know I am burning some serious calories in our yard doing it!!! So once the boy is back I MAY do it again though he may not let me as he agrees it is his job :-) Oh and I sure as shit won't be whipper snippering!

If you need a good work out with the kids... plop them in the washing basket and run up and down the hallway a few times.. like 10 times with it.. Was such a workout. I was seriously puffed.  My legs and butt were burning.. That is escalated when Eleanor says mummy run faster!! The funny thing was after we finished she put her toys in the basket and ran up and down the hall way and I could hear her puffing. She walks out to me in the kitchen and says ... Jesus that is hard work mum!!! love it.. she says the funniest things. I'd be lost without her

YEEEEEEHAAAAAA

ok that is possibly the worst attempt ever of a cowgirl jumping on her horse but that is the picture!!! ha ha

Today woke up with renewed energy and determination. Lucille down for a sleep and I am on the treadmill and weights.

1 hour 12 mins later and I have burnt 535 calories!

I was on tready at 6.5km hr no incline for 15 mins with every 2nd minute for 2 minutes running at 7.4kmh. I even pushed myself at one stage to run for 3mins!!! I was so sore and wanted to stop but just kept thinking no pain no gain!

I then did some ab, triceps, biceps and back work as per Michelle Bridges Dvd. I had also downloaded an app for my phone which had some butt work on it so did that. Millions of lunges and squats with and without weights. I did 50 kettle bell swings (though I used 2 x 2.5kg weights that I held in my hands together)

I felt so good and just realised what I had been missing the last couple of days in my slump.

I am back to eating clean and won't be allowing any deviations from clean eating until I am in double digits! 11.2kgs to go!!! Yes that seems like ages away but with dedication it won't be. Slow and steady I know :-) I've had 2-3 days of semi clean eating and no exercise. I will not be using PMS as an excuse anymore!!!!

I feel so good after my session.

ooh I have sorted out the issue to ensuring I am getting enough water. I have a few different water bottles at home so rather than filling the same one up. I just drink one at a time through the day so I can see where I am up to and if I need to drink more. Has been working wonders today. Thanks to Jacque for that idea!

I am off to Newcastle tomorrow for some IPL on my underarms. So sick of shaving those buggers and Ella Rouge had an amazing price of $9!! SO that is tomo. No gym I'm afraid but I will commit to getting to bed on time today and to a fat burning walk before Lucy wakes. I'll be up about 545!!! Jeepers lol

My best

ok so I have printed this out and put it on my motivation poster on my ensuite door.
If I stick to this then I can not fail.

Stress

so much going on at the moment and I feel like it is just getting on top of me.

I have not had 2 particularly good days.. Today was my worst. I ate 2 mini lamingtons and a chocolate gold coin and some of Eleanor's curly chips. I knew when I ate them that it was wrong but I said fark it I'm eating them.

Did they make me feel better?.. hmmm temporarily
Did they taste good?.. yes but then no.. My mind kept saying these are so not good for your body. I guess that over shadowed the taste
Am I regretting it?.. you bet I am. I've been so good trying to get myself on track and to sabotage it is crazy!!! I know that it is one moment and it ends now. But I hate myself for being weak for that moment.

I blame PMS symptoms cause seriously I have no patience at the moment and so buggered. The time Andrew is away is really starting to take it's toll.

There's a few things going on that we are trying to deal with and I think they are just getting on top of me. With him away there is a bit of stuff left not cleared up and I look forward to his return with excitement but also anxiousness. I want to desperately return to work as I need the adult company and also the financial gain will help us. In saying that I have this guilty feeling that I should be at home with my kids and not craving that time out. It is just a terrible pressure we place on ourselves as mothers. Lucille would benefit socially being at day care I know that as I know what Eleanor went through.

Anyway I am off to get some sleep and the world will be beautiful and bright tomorrow :-)

 I like this one as I think it relates to the way I was feeling yesterday. I am not losing faith. I know that I have this one in the bag. It is not a question of "if" it is a question of  "when"

 Ooh I hope so!!!! Love her curves!

 I am a caterpillar who will become a butterfly. My outside will reflect my inside :-)

 I am trying to wake up every day without excuses. I saw this and thought yep.. that's me :-)

 I like the saying on this one but I also think her body is hot!

 I found this one last night and then when I jump on FB today my friend Toni had posted it to my wall. It is definitely something I think. Can't believe she picked it too!!!!!

 I can't wait to have a healthy toned strong body!!!!!

 Amen. I love it. Loving being back in the gym too!

Start with food as that is 80% of the equation and then factor in your exercise and voila perfect formula! Can't all happen at once so take your time, put in 100% effort daily and I'll get there!

 I am trying every day to do just that!

 For sure!!!! If you believe that you can push hard for 5mins on the Cross Trainer at 12.5RPM Level 5 then yep the body does it!!!

I am looking forward to a healthier brighter future. Where I am not so depressed about being over weight. Where I can live in my relationship physically not just emotionally. Where I can be more social and not be uncomfortable. To eat cleaner foods that I know nourish my body, I will miss the crap but only because it is good tasting crap ha ha but I know that it is not the way to live. I don't even believe you can have them in moderation as they still don't give me any nutritional benefit. Sure I am going to crave naughty foods. but after a while I know I won't. The future is where my head is at!

Woo hoo!!!! I am a winner baby!

ok so I won a Lorna Jane shirt! I have only ever owned a Lorna Jane head band. Never any clothes. I coudl ahve worn them years ago but I guess it is not until now that I am older that I appreciate quality clothing more than always trying to go budget.
So this is the shirt I won!

I can't wait to get it in the mail!!!! I doubt it is going to fit but that is ok I can hang it up on my door so that it is always there to inspire me. Plus when I am on treadmill I will have it there.

Will take a pic so I can use it as a measure of how well it is fitting.

yay for me!!!!

I won it on Freak'n'Fit Gym Motivation's FB page. Has some pretty good quotes on there and other helpful info.

feeling blah today

well today I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I really feel like I need a big hug. I thin just being with the girls 24/7 almost and not having Andrew here is starting to bug me. I don't want to turn to food. That is not my stress.

I really feel like "oh my god. What if I fail at this too?" "What if this ends up being another wasted attempt?" I know that these are silly thoughts and I really am on top of it all but I guess sometimes the ghosts of our pasts lay waiting to spring up on us!

Today I just felt yuck. I made today my rest day and I hated it. I really felt like I should be doing something. I know that my body needs rest but I feel like if I am not moving then neither is this fat! I just don't want to be fat Wendi anymore. She has lived a miserable existence the past year at least if not a little more lately. I just don't want go back to her. I've lost 5ish kgs and I feel better for it and that will not be coming back on! But I guess you doubt yourself sometimes.

Ok no more negative thoughts. I can do this. I have the knowledge, and knowledge is power right!!?! I will stop being negative cause what we send out into the universe well it delivers sometimes doesn't it!!!! So positivity only from this moment.. I still need a hug. A big bear one!!! But I will fill myself with positivity!!

I have Zumba tomorrow so I can't wait to be laughing my arse of in that when I stuff up all the moves!!! Such a great giggle! Just what I need :-) Just hope my girls co-operate in the morn to get me there on time! Well Lucille really but understandable if she is grumpy as she got her needles today :-(

Nighty night off to get to bed on time :-)

Music from Ipod

ok we all love a good Ipod listing and let's be honest good music makes us move!!!!!
So in response to Carolyn's request about songs on iPod here is my list.
Some songs are a bit slower and others full on. Sometimes I have songs I want to remove and other times I want to stay. Hope you like.... you are allowed to not like it :-)

• Amazing (Thin White Duke Edit) 3:27 Seal 
• Ass Back Home 3:42 Gym Class Heroes (feat. Neon Hitch)
• Because of You 4:27 Ne-Yo 
• Black Box 3:27 Stan Walker 
• Burn 2:54 Jessica Mauboy 
• Can't Touch It 2:58 Ricki-Lee 
• Closer 3:56 Ne-Yo Closer
• Cold As Ice (Workout Remix) 5:14 Power Music Workout Shape Walk
• Dirty Dancer 3:35 Enrique Iglesias & Usher 
• Disturbia 3:59 Rihanna 
• DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love (feat. Pitbull) 3:42 Usher 
• Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (Single Version) 5:51 Michael Jackson 
• Don't Wanna Go Home 3:26 Jason Derülo 
• Firework 3:48 Katy Perry 
• Forever 4:41 Chris Brown 
• Get It 3:40 Havana Brown 
• Give Me All Your Luvin' (feat. Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.) 3:22 Madonna 
• Give Me Everything (feat. Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer) 4:16 Pitbull 
• Good Feeling 4:07 Flo Rida 
• Hear No, See No, Speak No (Radio Edit) 3:57 Ricki-Lee 
• Hey Baby (Drop It to the Floor) [feat. T-Pain] 3:56 Pitbull 
• I Kissed a Girl 3:01 Katy Perry 
• I Like That 3:58 Richard Vission, Static Revenger & Luciana 
• Inescapable 3:36 Jessica Mauboy 
• Jumpstart 3:29 These Kids Wear Crowns 
• Little Bad Girl (feat. Taio Cruz & Ludacris) 3:12 David Guetta 
• Low (Workout Remix) 5:36 Power Music Workout Top 40 Hits Remixed, Vol. 2
• Meet Me Halfway (Radio Edit) 3:46 The Black Eyed Peas 
• More 3:49 Usher 
• Morning After Dark (feat. Nelly Furtado & SoShy) 3:53 Timbaland 
• Moves Like Jagger (feat. Christina Aguilera) 3:21 Maroon 5 
• Naked 3:59 Dev & Enrique Iglesias 
• Not Myself Tonight 3:05 Christina Aguilera 
• On the Floor (feat. Pitbull) 3:51 Jennifer Lopez 
• Only Girl (In the World) 3:55 Rihanna 
• Party In the U.S.A. 3:23 Miley Cyrus 
• Party Rock Anthem (feat. Lauren Bennet & GoonRock) 4:23 LMFAO 
• Play That Funky Music 5:02 Wild Cherry 
• Revolver (One Love Remix) 2:59 Madonna 
• Set It Off 3:20 Timomatic 
• Sex On Fire 3:25 Kings of Leon 
• Take Care (feat. Rihanna) 4:37 Drake 
• Telephone 3:41 Lady GaGa & Beyoncé 
• Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) [feat. Ludacris & DJ Frank E] 3:52 Enrique Iglesias 
• Turn Around (5,4,3,2,1) 3:21 Flo Rida 
• Turn Up the Music 3:49 Chris Brown 
• Up / Down 3:26 Jessica Mauboy 
• Where Them Girls At (feat. Nicki Minaj & Flo Rida) 3:15 David Guetta 
• Wild Ones (feat. Sia) 3:54 Flo Rida 
• Without You (feat. Usher) 3:28 David Guetta & Usher 

Food

just quickly I thought i would post my food.
So first thing I had some Luke warm water with lemon juice in it. Very tart but so refreshing. It really is.. Weird!!

Breakfast- Mountain bread Rye wrap with 2 poached eggs, rocket and baby spinach and 2 short cut bacon slices. ( now I know bacon is processed but it is still protein and I love it) No sauce needed as my eggs are runny and that is enough for me!! YUMMY!!!!

Snack- Protein shake as I had finished at gym

Lunch- 1 Slice of home made white bread... YES YES I know but I didn't have any Ryvitas or Rye bread left. 2 tbs Ricotta cheese, 100g free range organic ham (just woolies deli section), Rocket, baby Spinach, capsicum, cucumber and shallots.  Oh so goooooood!

Snack- 2 Protein balls

Dinner-  left over Spinach and Ricotta Lasagna. Made from my Michelle Bridges book that I had froze. It would still be within clean eating guidelines apart from the Lasagna sheets used not the mountain bread. Still minimal and I am not worried. Had that with some snow peas, Brussel sprouts, baby peas and broccoli. Again soooooo good!!!!

No snack after dinner... Almost a Vegemite sanger but nope!! :-)
Copious amounts of water!!!!!!!

Will post my meal plan tomorrow for the rest of the week..

nighty night xxx
ps this is a new fave of mine!!! Soooo love it when I saw it. So going to be me rocking a hot bod.. Maybe not as hot as this but certainly something to be proud of!

Now this one is very thought provoking. Now keep it clean ladies, I didn't even think of Andrew when I saw this. I just thought oh my god how much fun will it be to buy decent underwear and not be covered up in Flannel pjs or baggy tops and daggy bras due to my big boobs adn alck of confidence in my body! yes I know they will still be big, my boobs that is, but not this big that they are now!!! Kinda reminds me of that special k ad where the mum sees the sexy red knickers at the shops and then as she is reaching up you can see them under her jeans. Will be me. I will just love knowing something lovely is underneath my clothes as opposed to daggy, dodgy shit! Time to take more pride in my appearance and feel good about me!