I am rocking it

I can't believe the changes I have made to me. I guess sometimes everything falls into place eventually.

I hate missing a workout now!

I hate it because I know how good it is for my body.
I hate it because I love how I feel after I do it.... yes that "I am absolutely buggered" feeling of accomplishment.
I hate it because I know that without it I will not lose the weight I want.
I hate it cause it gives me the sanity break and fresh air I need when feeling like I'm not getting breaks.

I love eating!
I love eating because I now know how to make the right food choices
I love eating  because food is no longer about "living to eat, it is eating to live"
I love eating  because although I miss some of my old favourites eg Pasta Carbonara, I have found some new favourites! Those which are better for my body.
I love eating as it is getting me to be creative and learning new recipes and experience foods I would otherwise think was for rabbits!
I love eating as it is no longer about having to closely monitor the mathematical side but more about knowing what is good and bad for my body.

I have struggled for so long with getting the equation right. I love exercise so that really at times was not the issue. It was finding the food lifestyle that suited myself and my family.

I know Andrew is proud of me for really sticking this out and I think he is loving the new happiness in me. He can only of course experience that in a text or a call but I am sure he can tell the difference in my attitude and the happy woman he fell in love with is back.

Now I am not saying I will never eat bad.... I am saying that I will always try to make the right food choice first.. I guess the thing is that when you have a bad food choice that you don't  turn that moment into a whole day or days, weeks etc. Forgive yourself that one bad meal and move on.

Another thing I am also not trying to do is rewarding myself with food after a fabulous exercise effort. I am trying to not let the mentality of  "you've been really good so you deserve it". So yes I smashed 1000 calories yesterday but if I was to eat a high calorie meal or reward myself with some chocolate or something like tim tams then what is the point to exercising. I read on a forum recently. "you are not a dog so why reward yourself for being good with food". It was something like that anyway. I agree. If we are going to flog our bodies only to put crap back in then why exercise at all. I would rather reward myself with the knowledge that I am better than I was yesterday.

Now if you were to rewind a few months, even a few weeks, this is definitely not my mental state. I was a woman who was broken. Who hated herself. Who felt useless. I had so many issues from my weight that life was shit. I was always self conscious in social situations and greatly would shy away from them as the thought of meeting new people stressed me. I felt so terribly unattractive. Felt not worthy to have 2 beautiful cherubs. The way I felt about myself was really affecting my marriage to the point that I was not accepting any blame for things going downhill. I saw Andrew going away as a good send as I wouldn't have to try to be happy. That I wouldn't seem like a failure as a wife. Now for those of you who don't know Andrew, well he is very opinionated, very old school. I would say he is a reincarnate of someone from the 50's, a sexist and at times racist man.. His values and thoughts seem straight out of that era. We joke a lot about a "what a woman's job is".  The cleaner, the nanny, the lover, the financial controller etc. I guess with the way things were getting I felt like a failure in so many of these areas. To have him go away for 6 weeks and not feel like this was very appealing.  So off he went. I thought automatically that the stress levels would drop and I would feel better but they didn't. The issue was not with Andrew but with me. He wasn't making me feel bad I was doing that all on my own. I was the one putting all these unnecessary pressures on myself. After a recent holiday I began questioning what kind of mother I was and was I raising my girls right. Was I too tough on them, should they have more freedoms, was Andrew supporting my decisions in how we raise our girls etc. I think that also played a lot in how I was feeling. I know though that I am raising our children the best way we can and they are well grounded, healthy, happy little vegemites. I say how I am raising our girls as I am the one who spends 85% of the time with them so it solely really is left to me. Andrew just fits in to what I am doing and he agrees with what I am doing. I know that now.



I am feeling more positive about our marriage and find myself missing my husband now rather than that relief he is gone. I can see that I will be wearing some nice new clothes in Winter and Summer. I will have an absolutely rocking outfit for James and Hayley's wedding in September. I want to get outdoors more. I've told Andrew that he needs to now fit in with the healthier eating and outdoors lifestyle I now love. It may take some adjusting to healthier versions of food but I know that when he sees the change in me he will be happy to stick it out.

I think that when body and mind work together you have magic!!!! ooh found this and it is soooo right!!!!

Happy Saturday lovelies!!!

oooh and just so you know I did walk to get Eleanor from school yesterday as the thought of missing a session killed me!!!! I had some Dfine 8 to give me kick as I knew 9kms rounds trip was going to hurt!! Yeah sure it helped but I think my desire to do it better than last time was the winner!!! No flat tyres and no heat of the day, thank you cloud cover!!!!! I really ran more than I did last time too. Didn't have to get Eleanor out to walk a bit to lessen the load due to flat tyre so pushed all combined weight of 30ish kgs !!! well to Jacque's anyway as Eleanor stopped for a play but I would say Jacque's is only 500 mts from home. ooh and I have to get the damn gps thingy of Andrew's working. New batteries didn't cut it again!!!! I think they were old ones I found. I did spot some AAA somewhere here yesterday so will track them down. I'd like to know exactly how far it is!

Ciao for now :-) off to get salad stuff cut up and ready.. that is another tip too... be organised with your prep as that way it is so quick and easy to put salads and veg together!!!