Dinner Tonight

so I must thank my friend Alice for this idea as it was a post on her Facebook page that gave me the idea.

Dinner tonight, um what do I call it??? Lettuce and tacos??? hmm doesn't sound good but here's the pic.. I didn't get to work out the full calories as Calorie King shut down. I find it an easy program to use. A friend suggested Myfitnesspal too to use. So will try that tomorrow. I know this is low in calories and fat as there is minimal fat in the mince mix and the sour cream is very low . So yummy!!!!! Go on try it! You'll be converted

Now the ingredients serve 2 people but the above is for one. So yes I ate all this!

300gms Heart Smart Mince

1 onion diced

3 mushrooms sliced

1/2 tin of red kidney beans

sachet of taco seasoning

3/4 cup of water

1/2 avocado seasoned with a drizzle of sweet chilli, salt and pepper

So excluding the avo this gave us the sauce mix and we halved it.

Andrew used the tacos and made some nacho type thing

I used the 5 Cos Lettuce leaves and spooned my mix into them. I actually didn't need all mine so I gave about a good serving spoon size of leftover to Andrew to use in his.

Then on top of that I placed;

1tbs of Weight Watcher Sour Cream

1/2 the avocado mix

pinch of light tasty cheese and it was a small pinch not even 10gms I'd say. You can see it in the pic.

Again a little drizzle of sweet chilli

Bon Appetite x

feel better already

a perve on Ryan and the world is good!!!!!

oh my god!

I have the migraine from hell!!!!! I woke this morning thinking wowsers I what a head ache I have. It has turned into a flipping migraine. That time of the month sucks. Every since I have had Lucille I have been suffering from the worst migraines imaginable! I thought originally it was from going back on the pill so doc changed me to the progesterone ones only (the one they give you when breastfeeding). No hormones but still helps to ensure no little babies come along :-)

Well last cycle and this one they are back again! So crippling.. I will need to ring up and make another appointment I think to have this checked out. There is no way I am going to Aqua today and I doubt even my groceries will get done :-( Sucks majorly that is for sure.

Oh to be a bloody man! You have the easiest life!!!!!! And yes I am saying it.. We have a monthly cycle to piss us off, we have to be the pregnant ones, we give birth, we are normally the main care providers for our children (until we go back to work), we also have the normal wifey duties, not to mention running on shear exhaustion and then expected to perform the extra wifey duties! (that is not to say Andrew is like this always ha ha ha) What do you get or have to endure???? Well I can hear you yelling, "putting up with nagging partners" but that is nothing!!! So today you all suck!!!!!!

ooh have a nice day :-) I wish today this was me!!!!!!!

A moment

There I was sitting watching The Biggest Loser, looking at their weigh in and the massive numbers. I want massive numbers! I know, I know slow and steady wins the race. I think to myself shit if I could have one of these weigh ins I'd be a 3rd of the way there. I know they put in massive hard work and train hard most of the day but so could I. It is not like I am doing anything with my days :-) Ok so raising my children and running the house is hard work already but I am sure I could do 2 sessions a day!

I won't do anything silly I know that 30kgs will take time and perseverance. I am just speculating :-)

I can hear you all now taking a deep breath in, thinking don't be doing anything silly Wendi ha ha. It is ok. I can't be too hard on my body, when Andrew is away there is only me to look after the girls. So I have to do this right and no stupid behaviour.

Oh and another moment. I killed my only pair of Denim shorts the other day though they have been worn to death so I have been getting by with my grey cargos, yep had them just before Lucille well they are so worn that they have a tear on them in the crutch!!! PERFECT!!! Now what do I wear.?!?!!?  I seriously will need to get some new ones now before I manage to get back into the million pairs I have waiting to get back into! I don't want to buy an expensive pair cause I don't plan on needing them for long but why is the likes of Kmart, Target and Big W so shit with their bigger clothes. So anyone have any shorts in Size 18 they no longer need send them my way! oooh this means I get a trip to Kotara or Charlestown soon.... aka this week.... hooray.

Oh god I can't wait to wear nice clothes again. I can't wait to walk into Sussan or Witchery, which were my two favourite shops and buy Size 14 clothes again. I can't wait to love shopping for me again.
Cause as women this is what we are born to do right?!?!!?  Well I think I stopped loving shopping roughly 7 years ago when the comfort of my relationship with Andrew kicked in and lifestyle began changing... God we used to go out Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights dancing the night away.. then of course as we got older it was just the weekends. Now that just doesn't happen anymore... no incidental all night long dancing to keep me trim. I know that I can wear nice clothes but I just don't feel comfortable in them. It is not the clothes I loved wearing ie singlets, smaller bras (though still D cups damn it!), shorts and dresses. I have a pic of an outfit I'd love to be wearing..It is a look I have always loved and just never felt comfortable wearing it, or even thought it would look decent.  It is on my motivational poster.. This is it

I know my internal self is beautiful, I just want the external to look as healthy and vibrant!

And I am going to just do that...

hmmm what to do

So this little poster greats me every time I go to the bathroom. I have a similar one in the kitchen. I love it.

Anyway I totally forgot to mention in my earlier posts that when I went to the bathroom this morning prior to work out that I jumped on the scales to get a weight confirmation for me starting today. Well the figures show 116.7! I know that I have not dropped a mass of weight since my weigh in on Friday. Prior to going to the gym I was weighing myself on my scales and I was hovering around 117.7. So last weigh in was Monday last week. Do I, A) count this as my new weight and follow my home scales with weighing or B) disregard it and continue with the gym scales. Obviously there is a difference in the scales.

Ok now in my rationale I say follow my home ones as these are the ones I will be using to weigh anyway and shit 116.7 is a nicer number than 118.6 BUUUUT 118.6 was what pushed my arse into gear. hmmmmm

I think I will use home though as it has certainly given me a smile. I like my home scales too as they are the Tanita Body Scan ones so give bone density, visceral fat (that around your organs), body fat % . Now don't go woo fancy as I got them through the Michelle Bridges challenge on a massively reduced price. So time to put them to good use.

I know they are only numbers! But numbers help the motivation... Ooh which brings me to this little motivational

so I will say ok scales are not moving, I am giving it 110% (hand on heart honesty) and then keep this in mind :-)

So I have updated my starting weight to 116.7 :-)

ok food...

this morning for breakfast..... hmmm it didn't actually start out good :-(

I boiled some eggs on Saturday so I had them in the fridge as an easy snack or salad filler etc. Anyway cooked my slice of toast  and then after placing my egg on the toast it stank... and I don't mean the usual smells like egg fart smell.... I mean smelt off smell!!!! I was devastated as I had only that 1 piece of multi grain left and with a shitty egg there was no way I was scrapping it off and putting something else on it. So normally I'd say right fark it and I will just have Vegemite and butter. But nope I cooked a white slice.... cut it thinner than I would normally for the girl's sandwiches and then put about a third of half an avo on it.. A little bit of salt and pepper and voila.. Morning saved.

1/2  banana for morning tea. Little miss Lucille ate the other half :-)

Lunch was one of my home made multi grain rolls.. which I am baking a new batch of now!!! Smells devine. I will have to work out the calorie content of them. Anyway so I had some lite deli ham,tomato, onion, mushrooms, lettuce, capsicum, a pinch of grated light cheese and teaspoon of tomato relish. I have taken a pic and will upload it. OMG it was sooooooo yummy. I have cut up some salad veg enough for say roughly 3 days so they don't go yucky. So quick and easy to make up a salad bowl or plate when busy with girls etc.

I have in the slow cooker a chicken casserole, very light! Meant to have it with a crusty roll but I will pass on that :-) I have to get the calories worked out on Calorie King but I do remember making it before and it is quite light and low calorie/carb.

I use it as a slow cooker recipe so I have had in on since 10ish so it will be ready by 6ish. Will post pic and recipe later tonight

YUMMY!!!!

Today is a bright new day

Well I woke at 7 when I gave Lucille her morning bottle and thought ok let's get this show on the road..

Now all the excuses in the world came rushing to my head. I honestly felt like a whole nation was living in there this morning!!! As I put on my big girl undies and said shut the fark up would you, I got myself ready. Seriously I can't believe how many frigging excuses came out. And really if you take the time to sit and listen to them all you would laugh or think just get on with it would you.

 I have put them in their own little corner on here so I can remind myself to be aware of the little suckers as they form their own protest rally. No burning flags of course but hopefully they'll start to play nice and burn some of the idle fat in there!!!

Anyway I jumped on the treadmill. I did a slow warm up for 5 mins at 4.8kmh. Again due to tiredness of sharing a bed from 4am with Eleanor, who I might add has one bloody vivid imagination, I wanted to stop crawl back into bed. My energy was so not there!!!!!!

So I crank up the speed 5.8kmh and incline to 2 and I'm off. I seriously need to update and rearrange the music on my ipod. Starting to get old and I am skipping songs way to often. So next time when I break into a run at 6.8kmh for 1.5min intervals and try changing songs I won't look like a retarded monkey. I felt really good and runs seem to be getting easier as I've been using the treadmill a bit lately just not putting effort into food.

Ok so at the end of 37 mins (as I stretched after 35 mins on treadmill) I burnt 399 calories.. Not a bad effort... Mental note to self.. Don't forget to keep an eye on calories burnt whilst killing yourself so you know to push out a few more mins to get that 500 calorie marker, god even to clock over 400!!!! Mind you I did my sit ups, triceps dips, lunges, squats too so have to leave it on when I do that to see what I am burning there.

So food wise I am sitting here starving actually.. so on that note I will get something
:-)

ok Definitely the last word for the evening..

I just found this quote in the big world of Facebook.

How true is it. There really is nothing that can stop us from achieving our goals, whatever they may be. It is only us that can stop them from happening.

Well I choose to no longer be an obstacle in the best version of Wendi there is to put out there...

ooooh but can I use the excuse of terrible terrible period pain....
ok ok I can hear you yelling it Toni.... NO....  ok got you... just testing the waters.. :-)

I am going try and leave the excuses behind but I will have an excuse tab.. and if I think of them to get me out of exercising or for eating crap, I will post them up and of course how I killed them :-)

ooh and my little challenge I set myself re the lunges etc I will begin tomorrow.. HONEST :-)

nighty night x

last word/s for the evening

Putting it out there-- feeling naked

Ok so I have been blogging off and on for some time now though all previous "history" has been deleted as we are not going to be making those mistakes again.. All I want to know about is currently the here and now and where I will be going.

I had shared my blog once before and I think from just having my friend Meg and Toni comment I never really knew if anyone was out there reading my posts. I guess it is better to know that no one is so that way they couldn't see in writing my failings. But I think with living away from close family you need that support, you need to know that hey Wen I relate to that or pull your head in that is a dumb thing to say.

So on my facebook page I have sent a PM to people on my friends list that I value their support and friendship of. Now I better clear up it is not to say that some people are more valuable then others etc... I guess it comes down to who I feel the most comfortable with at this stage in my life to share my journey with. Especially the early stages where numbers are big and I am embarrassed to my core!!! I know that I am me with these friends and they have no judgement. I am sure that as the numbers go down I am going to shout it to the world how successful I am doing but having tried and failed on my god numerous attempts I want to keep this new beginning low key.. I know they will keep me accountable.. I know they will support me.... and "the chosen ones" if you are reading this now... I love you so give me the loving back ha ha ha :-)

I am actually quite nervous and apprehensive putting this out there as I hate the number on the scale.. But I have printed out something I stole from my friend Petina's FB page. So I keep telling myself and reading this to reassure that there is more to me than this damn number!!!

tomorrow brings a new day and new week.. officially game on

This chicky has to get out and who am I to sit by and not help her....

Your assistance starts tomorrow.... you'll be out in no time!!!!!

Head cold still not gone but not as congested and feeling much much better!!
See how we go. I won't push too hard so as to not make myself even more drained but will push enough to get results on the way!

oh head cold... piss off would you

I have the head cold from hell! So stuffy and feel like crap!
No energy and just struggle with doing simple tasks let alone any exercise.

I am being good with my food so I am not slipping up there and I know that when I am over it I will be able to get into the exercise but seriously!!!

Piss off and annoy someone else... Actually no don't just go into viral head cold heaven or hell... where ever it is you come from!!!!!!

I'm going back to bed.

:-)

Time to get real!!!!!!!!!!

so today I went to the gym and had my first session. More measurement and meeting each other.

 Firstly I will say that I am suffering from the head cold from hell!!!!!! So was really not feeling up to seeing anyone today nor getting on any machines through the lack of being able to breathe with a stuffed up nose!

Cathy was my PT and she was a lovely lady. Maybe in her early 40s late 30s. Made me feel really comfortable for sure. Talked about what  wanted out of my gym and I said isn't it what we all want, health and fitness.... ooh and to lose weight. We had a good connection. She actually took one of my aqua classes last week. She is very energetic and encouraging. Makes you want to push that extra mile.

Anyway so did my measurements. With my cloudy head I don't even know what my measurements are or took any notice.. What I did take notice of was the scales!!!!!! Holy shit I have let myself go since Lucille was born... since I stopped breast feeding really as I dropped some considerable weigh then. Got down to 103.1kgs!!! lightest I have been in years! Well I am at the other end now. Another first! The heaviest I have ever been in my life.... 118.6kgs.. WTF!!!!!!!! I am so disgusted in myself you have no idea. I can not put it in words. I have not had a chance to get emotional about it.

What is the point!!! Time to get real and get this weight gone and get bloody healthy again. My god that weight is asking for a million different health risks not to mention the lack of energy and happiness I have at the moment. Then we get on to the affect it is having on my girls. I am so disgusted in myself.. embarrassed that I weigh this much.. ashamed that I let myself go.

I normally consider myself to be a fairly attractive person but right now I feel even more repulsed by me. It brings up a lot of insecurities about myself and my attractiveness to my husband. I hate looking at myself in the mirror now.... now I know what my true weight is I am even more disgusted. I know that internally I am a really beautiful person.. I love me for the kind of nature I have... but externally.... jeebers!!!!!!

Anyway enough of that talk. It is done.... I have gotten to my heaviest weight. But I can say  I am not going up any higher! Rewinding those numbers from now! I am not going to beat myself up about it... I am just going to now put actions into place. I will address these in another post but for now....

In Biggest Loser style....... My name is Wendi and I weigh 118.6kgs!

I will not be making this mistake twice.... let me tell you!

Wowsers! A new challenge..

just chatting to my sister Tracy on Facebook and she has been losing weight and has done so well! Very inspiring for sure. Very positive and has great quotes all the time.

Anyway she has set herself a challenge for tomorrow.

It is the 200 challenge-
200 burpees
200 ski jumps
200 sec boxing squat punches
200 squats
200 lunges
OUCH!!!!! I ache thinking about it.

So in my stupidity I committed to doing;
50 a day of each exercise in the set above and work my way up to 100 each by adding 10 each a day.

Crikey am I mad or what!!!!!!!
I am going to do it cause nothing will ever change if I don't!

 So starting tomorrow I will be doing the same!!!!!!! Well almost the same... Wish me luck!!!

My recent treadmill Session

 Omg!!! When you are seriously pissed off don't jump on the treadmill.. seriously. I really need to invest in a boxing bag and some gloves to get the frustrations of life out!!!

I did 30 mins walking no slower than 6kmh with an incline of 2. Every 3 mins I did a burst of 1 min running at 7kmh. FARK!!!!!! I was so red faced and out of breath and dying. I just didn't want to stop. It was hard going.

The reason I was pissed...... ah that is a post for another day but the point is that I worked my frustrations out on the treadmill not with food.... or alcohol :-)

I love this saying... Put all the other bull shit aside.. you know... The excuses etc and really it comes does to this. Do it or don't..

I am choosing to do it... I'm not looking backwards..Behind me is history, before me is a mystery but it surely won't be history repeated!!!!

New Year.. New Goals.. no I didn't say resolutions

Well here I am again about to embark on a new journey. A new year and some new goals.
I have not set resolutions as such... more some goals for the year. I feel setting resolutions or at least using that term means we get to the end of the year and say ok well nothing was achieved.
I deleted all my old posts as I feel that they were a reminder of my past failings of old resolutions.

2012 is going to be the year I realise what my own worth is!

I can honestly say that I have finally once and for all hit rock bottom. I never want to be here again! It is the worst feeling!!!! Nothing fits and when I do try on clothes I hate them. I need a new wardrobe BADLY but I am not going to buy anything. I want to drop 5+ kgs before I buy new clothes. I want to be the best person I can be for me... but also for my girls. I am such a moody cranky bitch it is not funny. This is not me. I am such an easy going person and always happy.

I have brought myself a trailer pram. The ones that you can have on a bike or push as a pram. Just a cheap one but it is good enough to get me out and about with the girls! NO MORE EXCUSES!!!! Especially with Andrew away. So I have my treadmill on rainy days, my push pram for glorious days and I also have my new gym membership.  So time to JFDI!!!!!!!

I have been JFDI the last couple days but time to get real and knuckle down more.  So right now the journey to end begins :-)

Stay along... I assure you it will be worth the read :-) oh and I can't promise the content will be censored... :-)