Firstly I will say that I am suffering from the head cold from hell!!!!!! So was really not feeling up to seeing anyone today nor getting on any machines through the lack of being able to breathe with a stuffed up nose!
Cathy was my PT and she was a lovely lady. Maybe in her early 40s late 30s. Made me feel really comfortable for sure. Talked about what wanted out of my gym and I said isn't it what we all want, health and fitness.... ooh and to lose weight. We had a good connection. She actually took one of my aqua classes last week. She is very energetic and encouraging. Makes you want to push that extra mile.
Anyway so did my measurements. With my cloudy head I don't even know what my measurements are or took any notice.. What I did take notice of was the scales!!!!!! Holy shit I have let myself go since Lucille was born... since I stopped breast feeding really as I dropped some considerable weigh then. Got down to 103.1kgs!!! lightest I have been in years! Well I am at the other end now. Another first! The heaviest I have ever been in my life.... 118.6kgs.. WTF!!!!!!!! I am so disgusted in myself you have no idea. I can not put it in words. I have not had a chance to get emotional about it.
What is the point!!! Time to get real and get this weight gone and get bloody healthy again. My god that weight is asking for a million different health risks not to mention the lack of energy and happiness I have at the moment. Then we get on to the affect it is having on my girls. I am so disgusted in myself.. embarrassed that I weigh this much.. ashamed that I let myself go.
I normally consider myself to be a fairly attractive person but right now I feel even more repulsed by me. It brings up a lot of insecurities about myself and my attractiveness to my husband. I hate looking at myself in the mirror now.... now I know what my true weight is I am even more disgusted. I know that internally I am a really beautiful person.. I love me for the kind of nature I have... but externally.... jeebers!!!!!!
Anyway enough of that talk. It is done.... I have gotten to my heaviest weight. But I can say I am not going up any higher! Rewinding those numbers from now! I am not going to beat myself up about it... I am just going to now put actions into place. I will address these in another post but for now....
In Biggest Loser style....... My name is Wendi and I weigh 118.6kgs!
I will not be making this mistake twice.... let me tell you!
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