Life

With all the things going on in my head, I sit here and think ok what is the best move for us. What in the long run will be of benefit to us. A quick fix solution or something a bit more long term.

I know no one can make the decision for us and it is something we need to work out ourselves. What is right for us and our circumstances. Not what makes everyone else happy.

I have woken today so damn tired even though I was in bed last night early. I think I was just going through things in my head and even while I was sleeping it was there being played out over and over.

I tried to jump on the treadmill and get a session in but I just had no energy. I tried pushing through it and psyching myself up but it was not working. I know that I will feel better once I do it and will regret it if I don't but I will also listen to my body and not push. I really am drained today. Andrew should be getting home early today so I will go when he gets home and do a session at the gym. Away from the kids, no stressing as to whether I have enough time due to creche or trying to get one in on the treadmill while Lucille sleeps.

I am also struggling with a decision I made in regards to an admin role I had taken on a Facebook page. I really like the lady I was helping out and she is a beautiful soul. She has had some issues with people being absolute cows relating to the site, so needed to step back plus she had to spend time with her family. I have not been on the page a bit lately and just felt like I was not doing anything constructive.  I had said it all long that I was a fraud admin as I didn't do much. Anyway I decided after a request from one of the other admins to spend more time on the site that I would remove myself. I just didn't need the added pressure to spend more time on the site. She was being polite I know but with everything I am trying to sort out, having to meet another person's demands got to me. So I removed myself. I have just had to really sort my head out and didn't need the added stress. I feel terrible that I have let her down but in the end my needs have to come first. I am forever putting everyone else first and worrying about how they are going to feel etc and sacrifice myself for that. I said 2012 was my year and it is a year of change. If you are reading this you know who you are and I do still love you! I'm sorry I had to bail on you and do it abruptly but I'd have ummed and ahhed for too long and it was the push I needed. So terribly sorry. I still value your friendship and you are a slice of the sunshine :-)