I walked past it tonight and had a look at it, tried it on..... nah doesn't fit nicely yet the bugger! But I read the words and they really do make sense.. Live Life, Love Life.
For so long I have just been going through daily motions and just plodding along in life. Go to work, come home, get Eleanor's evening routine started, dinner, bed and then repeat. Fell pregnant continued with the same, moved to Singleton, had Lucy and repeat routine minus working as Lucille is my full time job. Time has flown since she was born last year in February. I really feel like I have missed so much of her baby stage as I just was going through the motions of life. I don't think I suffered any PND this time round but with being away from family, finding my feet in a new town.... well life just got swept away.
I don't want that to happen anymore. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, to feel so self conscious in social situations. I want to get out there and Live Life to Love the Life I am living. I know I am on my way there and being more active then ever with Eleanor and Lucy and feel better within myself but I just don't want to feel like that person who hides in corners.
Take today for instance. Went out to the army base to watch the boys play footy... no not Andrew.. Jesus no way would he play footy.. but watch his mates play. I was looking forward to it. I enjoyed my time there but just felt out of place a little. All the girls looked great and I just felt out of place. No they did not make me feel like that as they are not like that at all. But I felt self conscious. I don't know why. Maybe new surroundings and I am feeling a bit blah due to TTOM. I'll get there. Maybe some new clothes might help me feel a bit better about me. I so desperately need them!!!!! I was wearing my bloody baggy jeans and over sized shirt. It is probably because I didn't feel comfortable in what I was wearing that put me off. Who knows. Anyway the point is I am sick of feeling self conscious, shying away from people, wanting to retreat into my own little abyss of security. I want my girls to have friends outside school. To interact with other parents and not my close group of friends. I want to go places and not shy away from doing that because I don't like what I have to wear etc, or feeling so blah about myself.
Seeing this shirt... well I see it every day but maybe the word is "understanding" this shirt truly today has given me the motivation I need to just get the job done.
No more straying outside the boundaries of my meals. Eat what I need not what I want. Eat to fuel rather then just feed.
Ok so all that is left to be said is;
night peeps :-)
Made me so sad to read that you felt uncomfortable at the footy.... Wendi you need to get out and about and share your beautiful self with other people, let them see what i see, a beautiful, honest, caring person who's smile just bedazzles.... love you to bits xxx
ReplyDeleteMade me so sad to read that you felt uncomfortable at the footy.... Wendi you need to get out and about and share your beautiful self with other people, let them see what i see, a beautiful, honest, caring person who's smile just bedazzles.... love you to bits xxx
ReplyDelete