But I guess the ones that are ringing for me at the moment are financial concerns but then we all have those, getting enough time to ourselves and our adequacy at being a mum.
I have really struggled at the moment with my desire to return to work. I love my girls. Gosh I really do. I love spending time with them.They are the reason for me getting up in the morning.... and of course I mean that literally as well ha ha. But I am over being a stay at home mum. I am sick of stressing financially. I don't get me time as Andrew is not built like that and does not comprehend it. He is so old school it is not funny. I know he jokes about it being a woman's job blah blah blah but deep down I know that he believes what he preaches. Maybe I wouldn't be dying to go back to work so much if finances were different. But unfortunately they are not. Staying home on one wage as I 've said before is hard. There are mum's out there who agree but yes I know they manage. But I am not built to live on bear minimum. I like excesses. I like to go to coffee and lunches and theme parks and spend money. We've had two decent wages for so long that to cut down to one and not fully comprehend how it is to live like that is hard. I need to be earning money knowing I am contributing to the household. It is a struggle. It is stressing me out.
But I know it is not just finances driving me back to work. I am a social person. I need adult interaction. Yes I have friends here that I catch up with often. Jacque and I catch up frequently if not daily and then there is my old neighbour Jules who I saw today that lives in Muswellbrook now. Loretta and Billie who have recently moved here and I know Loretta from god early 20s from the Heritage. I am so blessed to have Jo near by and we Skype often and pleasingly have a catch up planned tomorrow. With Andrew away so much I feel so consumed by my kids! I know if I was back home I'd not be feeling this way as I have an awesome family and friends circle who would give me the time out I need. I'm no longer a clubbing girl, that is not the time out I crave. I love coffee and dinner dates and just time to get out and not worry about packing bottles, snacks, nappies and the other stuff that goes with having kids.. I loved catching up with Jo and Belle last year when Belle visited from Townsville. It was nice to drive to Newcastle and spend the arvo with the girls doing lunch, shopping and then dinner. If Andrew was not having to start his course the next day then I would have stayed out at Newy and had some drinks with Jo. To not be a mum and just be a woman for a while was bliss. Sure we talked about being pregnant as Belle and her friend were pregnant at the time BUT it was very short touching on those subjects.
Those escape moments are so far and few between.
I had almost an explosion of sort recently which made me question my role in life. I think it just comes down to I need me time. I think this week has been a fizzer cause with Andrew gone I am now taking my wife hat off and my mummy hat is permanently on and I just have to do it all. I am working on two roles only and I know what needs to be done and can just do them. That is not the issue. I am a great mum and my girls are well looked after physically, mentally and socially. They are great little girls and are being raised to respect others and not listen to daddy's stupid opinions in life :-) Those who know Andrew well know what I mean. They are being raised to accept everyone and everything and to be the best they can be in life and know their potential. Ok so this doesn't relate to Lucille so much yet but she is well looked after and Eleanor has a heart of gold. Albeit very determined. I think in my mind though I grapple with my want to go back to work with my need/should stay at home stuff. I feel I should not be wanting this time out and to go back to work and that I should have this innate want to be full time home with my girls. But I don't. Maybe if my life was different and I had a hubby who worked 9-5 and was home on the weekends and yeah we just lived a normal existence then it'd be different. Who knows. Maybe if the financial stresses weren't so high then I'd not want to. Who knows. But all I know is; that I do want to go back to work for the reasons said.
With Andrew's news of a posting pending at the end of the year I am excited. Where to be relocated to is still the unknown but highly probable Townsville. Yes I am excited about this prospect but then I am also disappointed. As much as Singleton is away from home and I miss everyone terribly, I am settled in somewhat. I love the area. I love driving back from Newcastle and going the back way through Maitland, Lambs Valley etc. It is such a glorious country side. I love the climate. It is hot. Yes it is damn hot but not with humidity so it is bearable somewhat. The cold was not as bad as I thought but then apparently it was not a cold winter last year so maybe this year I will change my mind. I love being so close to the Hunter Valley Wineries and taking drives through that countryside. I love being so close to Sydney and thinking what will we do and when will we go see Hayley and James. So for those reasons and of course having some great friends here I don't want to move. My biggest motivation, apart from family and friends, for moving back is my job. I don't have to look for another one I can walk back into this one. I like the people I work with and it just makes not having to look for a transfer so much easier also. hmmm if we don't get Townsville. Well I am not sure where else really is on the cards. Adelaide??? Maybe Brissie but highly unlikely. A final year year though is very highly unlikely. They are needing Infantry Sergeants dire and it is a given he will go. If we get Darwin then i say hell no! I just don't want to go. It is far too humid. Worse than Townsville and well no. Sure it is lovely and I am sure that people love it there. But I don't want to go there. Anyway we will see what happens in that regard.
In the meantime I will try and look for a transfer here and go from there.
I think I am just screaming for some recognition of time out that is highly required from the boy and it is going unheard and lucky for him he is away for 6 weeks. oh well. Thankfully a day on the Beach with Jo tomo will be relaxing and clear the head.
I am going to stop being slack to and get my Game face back on. Big walk for me on the treadmill tomorrow! Not to mention the walk/stroll on the Esplanade in Newy.
Hitting the gym too next week (creche needed so that is why i say next week peoples) as I will use this as my time away from the girls! Be prepared for some changes in goals and thinking.. The positive Wendi will be back. She is just AWOL..using the weekend to regroup, rethink her goals and priorities, food and exercise and MONDAY will be back kicking butt and getting that body as previously posted!!!! Oh just cause I am delaying my gym work until Monday does not mean I am slacking off in the food by any means. I will still remain on top of that!
Thanks for listening to my whinge. I coudl really go on and really get in more depth but this is really what is struggling in my mind .. well the shortened version anyway!
Oh Wendi how i love you... thats all
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