Why?

ok so I was thinking about my last post and thought maybe I needed to address a few things

firstly the pressures women feel the need to put on themselves... especially pregnant women and new mums. These is so many pictures out there in the media depicting happy glowing mums to be, with perfectly round bellies and who look like they have stuck a watermelon up their shirts... still skinny as but with this perfectly round belly.  How far from reality really is this!?!?! As  I said I have been so lucky with my first pregnancy and I guess with second.. I put on minimal weight with both, Eleanor I had no morning sickness just extreme tiredness and with Lucille it was terrible morning sickness up to 16 weeks. I enjoyed being pregnant 50% of the time.  My belly was not perfectly round but it was still beautiful. I never really felt pressures to have my body in any particular shape weight etc. I think I thought about that part rationally. Each body is different so how do we expect ours to look like the pics when pregnant when they don't when we are not pregnant.

Then comes private, public, natural, c-section, drugs, no drugs. That itself is a mine field. I did both. Eleanor was private as we had that option available to us in Qld and I liked my obstetrician who was highly recommended and I certainly would use him again. He was not pushy, he gave me the information I needed, cared for me whilst pregnant and explained complications and what may be needed if they did arise. I liked the hospital. The information from the mid wives was conflicting especially when it came to breastfeeding.  Lucille was born in Singleton Public Hospital by our mid wife Ann. My doc never made it in time. Both girls were born naturally though with Lucille I could have done with some drugs! Pleased I didn't but it was not from lack of trying... Ann just ignored my pleas for it and was busy with myself and another lady being emergency evacuated to Maitland Hospital as she had complications. The midwives pretty much run the maternity section of the hospital and they have clear consistent information. I would recommend both as my experiences with public and private were both great... natural or c-section that really is personal choice and what is occurring at the time... I don't know if I'd plan to do a c-section as it is major surgery really and the recovery is longer than natural but I would not knock it back in any emergency situation. Thankfully I never had to be placed in that position but you have to do what is right for bub and do not judge. Oh one stressful thing about making the decision to birth local and public is that if complications did rise then you had to be emergency transported to Maitland... but my pregnancy was fine so there was no foreseen risks. I saw my doc weekly and Lucille stayed in position right up until birth.

ah the big debate Bottle or Breast... Well of course breast is best.. Any monkey knows that.. Now one difference I can say between the two hospitals or maybe even states I am not sure is that the hospital staff are so equipped with the most clear and consistent knowledge when it comes to breast feeding.  And you certainly get the feeling of breast is best and you will try it. Even after my failed attempt with Eleanor I still wanted to try with Lucille.  She latched on to my left without any real effort after we got her over her premi behaviour with feeding and sleeping (she would feed for 5-10 mins and then sleep for 5 hours. She dehydrated herself from lack of feeding. Of course my fault too that we ended up in hospital but I thought she was getting enough and the first week coma was kicking in) My right always gave her grief. She was always fussing and screaming when it came to my right. I got assistance from my mid wife and the lactation consultant. She was brilliant. I tried expressing my right, massaging and all other things that were recommended. I was getting so depressed and feeling like a failure. I went to my doc (trying to learn from previous experience of feeling blue and reaching out for help) so extremely hard when away from your family and friends in a new town and not knowing anyone well by then. Anyway he basically said that I had to make a choice either keep persisting with my right and hope it comes good or give up. He really wasn't helpful to the situation when I look back. Of course a mother who is desperate for a good night sleep, for her naughty 3 year old to return to normal because mummy was consumed with having to feed her sister and then express in my free time to try and get my right working. It was a very strict schedule. Feed for 20 mins on both sides, express then for 20ish minsbaby at the time and she is thriving still and that is all that matters. She is now loving solids and I have to be thankful for that. If I had another baby... GOD I HOPE NOT.. but IF I had another baby I would try again to breast feed and try to gain even more help if it is needed...

anyway the point of this post was to say that with all these pressures we put on ourselves is it no wonder that women feel overwhelmed when we become new mothers and struggle with social interactions, that we compare ourselves to others?!?!?! I guess though it comes down to the support and understanding we receive. You would at least hope that the support and understanding you give normally to others would be bounced back to you in your time of need.... I guess  sometimes life just doesn't work that way.....

Oh and I do say I am not a perfect friend. My god by no means am I, but I do feel that I am caring and compassionate and would .. I don't know... assume that when I am in my time of need that those qualities would be bounced back to me.. I didn't give up on that friendship... I just stopped fighting for it as a fight involves at least 2 people and if one is fighting and the other stops then it is time to stop....

ok so that is out and I think now I am ready to move on!!!!!!

Amen I can hear some people shouting... um Toni... but I think if we don't deal with things and they bottle up then we eat them when they rear their ugly heads...hence the big butt affect ha ha..

So I am moving on.. finally.. I am moving on.. I am not sad the close friendship is over... I am happy it was shared for the time that it was.